Monday, June 3, 2013

Diabetes and Stress

Last night I didn't sleep well.  I kept waking up - on alert - ready to fix things - for my mother, for my d-i-l.  There was nothing for me to fix.  Nothing I could control.  Nothing I could help with.  My "fight or flight" signal never seemed to switch off.  

Today I feel hung over and headachy.  My number this morning was decent, just a little high, and considering all the eating I did every time I woke up and circled the house, I'm lucky it wasn't through the roof.  

To top that off, I just found out about the Costco/Frozen Berries with the Hep A warning.  I've been consuming a lot of those in smoothies lately.  I emailed the doctor.  I have an appointment scheduled for the end of the month anyway so we'll see what he has to say about that.  

I need another disease like an extra _________ (has to do with removal of body waste).  

I called my mother's best friend last night and gave her an update on my mother.  She cried.  I didn't.  Today I am weepy.  I facebooked my ex-husband to tell him and I shared it with the friends I had grown up with that had known my mother either in person or through my stories and/or complaints.  

I feel helpless.  I want to hide away.  To stay at home and not answer the phone or read my email.  I want to wait until it is all over and I can come outside like nothing was every wrong.  

That is what I want.  What I am getting is "life" and all that that includes.   

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